How to Be Just Like Horatio Caine

Want to be just like the star of the hit TV show CSI: Miami? Here's how you become the king of cool, the definition of intensity, and the lord of sunglasses...

  1. First you'll want to develop an air of mystery about yourself. You don't want to blabber. Mysterious people don't have loose tongues.
  2. Have someone call you by the first letter in your name. This is an essential in becoming Horatio.
  3. Get a chemistry degree.
  4. Rarely smile or laugh.
  5. You'll want to stand with your hands on your hips a lot of the time while you stare off into the distance.
  6. Put your sunglasses on in a manner that no one else does.
  7. Often stands sideways to the person you are speaking to and tilt your head slightly.
  8. Get yourself a group of 'followers' to report to you.
  9. Read the book of 'How to never be wrong in any situation'.
  10. Fall secretly in love with your brother's widow.
  11. Never wear short sleeves, you must remain a demeanor of 'cool' no matter the temperature.
  12. Speak...your words...in disjointed sentences. (This makes you sound mysterious and intelligent.)

Things You Need:

  1. Buy hair dye (a light ginger red color)
  2. Buy a Hummer
  3. Buy Silhouette sunglasses (Silhouette Titanium Model 8568 with special dark polarized lenses)
  4. A gun
  5. A badge
  6. All knowing power

And there you have it, good luck in your journey to be come just like Horatio Caine. Cheers!